Thus far, I have covered the content of my dream that dealt with vocation and and lifestyle. Now, I will move on to a discussion of the dream content that addresses the new and more complete focus for my interpersonal relationships.
In my dream, I find myself sitting down on a chair and a young woman has come over and seated herself on my knee. I'm sitting in the same room where I had introduced myself and my calling for vocation, and the other students and I are now intermingling and talking informally with one another. The young woman who has sat down on my knee is being very flirtatious, and there is an obvious sexual undertone to her non-sexual verbal communication with me. I am very much aware that this young women is making a not-so-subtle sexual invitation, and that I could have my way with her if only I were to take up the invitation. For some reason that I'm not entirely sure of, this young woman seems to have concluded that I'm a "big deal," and that it would somehow boost her self-esteem and status if I was to accept her invitation. If her behavior wasn't audacious enough already, she is doing this all right in front of her current boyfriend. He's sitting there smiling and playing along, as though this is just the way his girlfriend is, and at the same time a little bit frightened that if he objects to her inappropriate behavior she will reject him. As I'm sitting there, very much aware of all that is going on, I take note of two parts of myself -- a more base part of myself that is willing to act in self-serving ways, and a God-centered part of myself that is only willing to behave in ways that are in line with my truest sense of self. I'm very much aware that this young woman and this young man are only partially aware of the motives for their behavior, and that if I choose to take up the young woman's offer it will be accampanied by the responsibility of full awareness. In the end, it would be opportunitist at best and exploitative at worst. With fuller awareness comes fuller responsibility. Even if I was perfectly respectful and loving from that point forward, it would be nullified by the self-serving origin of the relationship. Psychologically and spiritually, we are simply not equals. With this awareness firmly in mind, I am very aware that I cannot go down that path, and that I will gently dissuade her from further seduction. Without addressing it overtly, I let her know that I'm not interested and we all move on.
Once again, the dream content almost interprets itself. It's that ripe for the plucking. I've always known, at an intellectual level, of the importance of treating others in a respectful and loving manner. I would even say that others have tended to view me as more moral in character than most. By that I mean that they have tended to view me as highly conscientious and more prone to guilt than most. Yes, I was taught to be a "good boy." Unfortunately, I've also been much more prone to shame than most. But, my dream is not referring to an extreme form of false self training and what I "should" do as a guide to my future relationships. No, my dream is telling me to focus on what my truest sense of self would have me do, on what my soul would have me do, on what God would have me do, on what love would have me do -- on my deepest desire! It's moral, but it's a lot more than moral. It's loving. It's an uncompromising approach to my relationships in which I begin to identify with and want what is best for others from within an awareness that that is what's ultimately best for me as well. It's an uncompromising approach in which I'm aware that if the origin is self-serving, then what follows can never be truly respectful and loving. It's an uncompromising approach in which the wholeness and peace that are the results of self-honesty can never be rationalized away in service of self-serving motives. It's an uncompromising approach in which I don't allow myself to compartmentalize my life and then do the right thing out of a fear of getting in trouble, or a fear of what people might think, or because I'm profesionally bound; but rather because of an intrinsically held and self-integrated ethic of love which I hold myself to "in all my affairs." For me, it's the difference between "doing the next right thing," and doing the next loving thing.
So there you have it, the interpretation of a pivotal dream that God has used to guide me as I begin the second half of my life. I have been given a God-centered focus for my work, for my lifestyle, and for my relationships. Like all of us, I have been called (and chosen). I have been given an ultimate purpose and meaning for my life. I have been given a vocation. I have been given an eternal goal to work toward. And lest the reader mistakenly conclude that my discussion of these goals suggests that I am close to attaining them, think again. I am just getting started. I am just beginning my journey. Nonetheless, it sure is nice to know my focus. At least now I know what I'm working toward. Thank you God!
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