And Then There Were Three

Thus far, I have covered the content of my dream that dealt with vocation and and lifestyle. Now, I will move on to a discussion of the dream content that addresses the new and more complete focus for my interpersonal relationships.

In my dream, I find myself sitting down on a chair and a young woman has come over and seated herself on my knee. I'm sitting in the same room where I had introduced myself and my calling for vocation, and the other students and I are now intermingling and talking informally with one another. The young woman who has sat down on my knee is being very flirtatious, and there is an obvious sexual undertone to her non-sexual verbal communication with me. I am very much aware that this young women is making a not-so-subtle sexual invitation, and that I could have my way with her if only I were to take up the invitation. For some reason that I'm not entirely sure of, this young woman seems to have concluded that I'm a "big deal," and that it would somehow boost her self-esteem and status if I was to accept her invitation. If her behavior wasn't audacious enough already, she is doing this all right in front of her current boyfriend. He's sitting there smiling and playing along, as though this is just the way his girlfriend is, and at the same time a little bit frightened that if he objects to her inappropriate behavior she will reject him. As I'm sitting there, very much aware of all that is going on, I take note of two parts of myself -- a more base part of myself that is willing to act in self-serving ways, and a God-centered part of myself that is only willing to behave in ways that are in line with my truest sense of self. I'm very much aware that this young woman and this young man are only partially aware of the motives for their behavior, and that if I choose to take up the young woman's offer it will be accampanied by the responsibility of full awareness. In the end, it would be opportunitist at best and exploitative at worst. With fuller awareness comes fuller responsibility. Even if I was perfectly respectful and loving from that point forward, it would be nullified by the self-serving origin of the relationship. Psychologically and spiritually, we are simply not equals. With this awareness firmly in mind, I am very aware that I cannot go down that path, and that I will gently dissuade her from further seduction. Without addressing it overtly, I let her know that I'm not interested and we all move on.

Once again, the dream content almost interprets itself. It's that ripe for the plucking. I've always known, at an intellectual level, of the importance of treating others in a respectful and loving manner. I would even say that others have tended to view me as more moral in character than most. By that I mean that they have tended to view me as highly conscientious and more prone to guilt than most. Yes, I was taught to be a "good boy." Unfortunately, I've also been much more prone to shame than most. But, my dream is not referring to an extreme form of false self training and what I "should" do as a guide to my future relationships. No, my dream is telling me to focus on what my truest sense of self would have me do, on what my soul would have me do, on what God would have me do, on what love would have me do -- on my deepest desire! It's moral, but it's a lot more than moral. It's loving. It's an uncompromising approach to my relationships in which I begin to identify with and want what is best for others from within an awareness that that is what's ultimately best for me as well. It's an uncompromising approach in which I'm aware that if the origin is self-serving, then what follows can never be truly respectful and loving. It's an uncompromising approach in which the wholeness and peace that are the results of self-honesty can never be rationalized away in service of self-serving motives. It's an uncompromising approach in which I don't allow myself to compartmentalize my life and then do the right thing out of a fear of getting in trouble, or a fear of what people might think, or because I'm profesionally bound; but rather because of an intrinsically held and self-integrated ethic of love which I hold myself to "in all my affairs." For me, it's the difference between "doing the next right thing," and doing the next loving thing.

So there you have it, the interpretation of a pivotal dream that God has used to guide me as I begin the second half of my life. I have been given a God-centered focus for my work, for my lifestyle, and for my relationships. Like all of us, I have been called (and chosen). I have been given an ultimate purpose and meaning for my life. I have been given a vocation. I have been given an eternal goal to work toward. And lest the reader mistakenly conclude that my discussion of these goals suggests that I am close to attaining them, think again. I am just getting started. I am just beginning my journey. Nonetheless, it sure is nice to know my focus. At least now I know what I'm working toward. Thank you God!

Dream Sequence -- Part II

There are two other aspects to my dream that I'd like to share. In retrospect, this dream seems to have reflected a turning point that I have been negotiating in my life. The transition had already begun by the time that I had my dream, and my dream helped to make the way more conscious and clear. God and my soul seem to have been moving me along this path for quite some time, and my dream challenged my ego and my fully conscious self to begin working in unison with the deeper course that had been charted.

Within the dream sequence of Scion University, I also found myself participating in a new sport. During my actual college days, I played on the tennis team and participated in intramural basketball and hockey. I would also get to the gym whenever possible and take part in pick-up basketball games. Now, however, at Scion University, I find myself practicing to play on the golf team. Over the years in my conscious life, I've occasionally gone out to play a round of eighteen, but I've always found it quite frustrating, tedious, and a test to my patience. I just haven't liked it very much. However, in my dream, though I at first find myself balking at the prospect of playing golf and doubting whether I could ever be any good, as I practice swinging the clubs I realize that my skills will improve gradually with time, and I even notice myself getting better in the moment. I then become aware that I am now at a point in my life that requires that I take up a different type of sport -- one that requires longer-term development, one that requires patience, one that requires ongoing diligence and consistency, one that is more solitary and less competitive, one that is better suited to the second half of my life, one that is more attuned to pacing, and one that requires a broader perspective and greater wisdom.

After having fully awakened, the golf metaphor of my dream pretty much interpreted itself. Just as my work would no longer be confined to a conventional university campus, but rather would extend to a metaphorical university campus (where opportunities abound but are not always easy to see), it also would no longer be so focused on the ego-based needs of my youth, but rather on the soul-based needs of my growing spiritual maturity. Jung theorized that as we reach middle age, a polarity develops between the ego and the Self (I interpret Jung's concept of Self as the point of intersection between the human soul and God) that results in a clearer awareness of the needs of the Self in relation to the needs of the ego. We are then in a position where we can begin to choose in favor of the deeper and more lasting movements of the Self -- in comparison with the shallow and more short-sighted desires of the ego. For the first time, we are able to begin using the ego to consciously choose and follow the strivings of the Self (the God-soul composite). It is no longer necessary for the ego to serve itself. It is this differentiation of God-soul from ego that the golf metaphor had brought further into the conscious light. It was instructing me that I was to begin working and living my overall life in a manner that is increasingly consistent with the course being charted by God and my soul. It was showing me that it is now time (the second half of my life) to begin making a conscious effort to live a spiritually significant life with a focus on the eternal.

In review, my dream has now revealed to me the type and scope of my future work, and the focus and manner of living for the second half of my life. In my next post I'll share the content of my dream that points to the new way in which I'm to begin relating to others; and women in particular.

I Had a Dream

This past Fall I was considering offering a Reading and Discussion Group through Spirit Garage (the church I attend) and also for some friends that I know through 12-Step group participation. I already had a general outline in place and pretty much knew the ground I wanted to cover. However, not knowing how my ideas would be received or whether I was up to the task, I was afraid and not quite sure how to proceed. Throughout this time, I'd also been considering how I could integrate my past professional experience in counseling and psychology with my growing interest in spiritual development. One night, I had a dream (I assure you, I'm not making this stuff up. Dreams, symbolism, and metaphors are often the means by which God's grace will dislodge me and get me moving forward.). At one point in my dream, I find myself on a university campus. I once again find myself in the role of a student and I'm sitting in a circle with other new students awaiting my turn to introduce myself. Each student is sharing what s/he will be studying and why. When my turn comes, I share that I have a gift for helping others heal emotionally in Christ. As I'm waking up that morning, drifting in and out of a light sleep, I find a word on my lips that I keep repeating to myself. The word is "scion." As I continued on in this half asleep state, I found myself putting together the dream content and the word "scion," and repeating the phrase "university of scion." After fully awakening, I was puzzled by the word "scion," and I walked over and grabbed my dictionary off the shelf to look up the definition. I learned that a scion is essentially a branch off of a central stem or stock. Reflecting on the word's meaning, my past professional experience, and my dream, I was inspired to continue forward with my idea for a Reading and Discussion Group (despite my fears), and was drawn to the conclusion that helping others in their psycho-spiritual growth was a calling which I was uniquely gifted and intended to fulfill. Furthermore, I concluded that I would continue forward with work that is similar to what I did on university campuses in the past (as a counselor), but that my work would now include a central spiritual focus and not necessarily be confined to a university campus. Rather, it would be a metaphorical university, a "University of Scion."

In the time since having my dream, I have now successfully completed one offering of a Reading and Discussion Group to a group of 12-Step friends, and am nearing completion of another group via Spirit Garage (the church I attend). Each of these groups has been immensely rewarding for me and has challenged me to grow emotionally and spiritually in ways that I couldn't have anticipated. It's been my impression that others have benefited in varying degrees as well (Increasingly, it's been my experience that deep, sustained growth happens in this way; that is, it involves both mutuality and community.). Consistent with each group's participants, the first of the groups involved a more open-ended spiritual focus, while the second group has embraced a more specifically Christian focus (albeit a rather liberal Christian focus). Regardless, both groups have moved through the same sequence of what I consider to be some universal spiritual themes; those of human limitation, attachment/addiction/idolatry, getting stuck/being wounded, surrender/letting go, grace/release, journey/growth/recovery, and being-at-home.

As with my groups, it is my purpose with this blog to help others (and myself via helping others) identify, explore, and further their ongoing spiritual growth through discussion of what seem to be universal, underlying spiritual themes and processes. And, though my dream indicated perhaps a special penchant for helping others to grow emotionally and spiritually within Christian traditions and cultures (i.e., "in Christ"), I also value other traditions and cultures and greatly appreciate the openness to an array of benevolent spiritualities practiced by the 12-Step culture. In short, my Christian faith is central to the meaning and practice of my daily spiritual exercises (as is my 12-Step participation), but I don't make it an impediment to a trans-cultural participation with others in a larger spiritual context. I'll never be all things to all people, and I'll never be able to undo the influence of the traditions and cultures in which I've come to be (and neither would I want to), but neither do I want to shut myself off from people of different cultures and traditions who have had God revealed to them in their own unique ways --and who have so much to teach me. To quote a title from an Ernest Kurtz book, I'm "Not-God." It's my hope that what I offer will be done from an ongoing awareness that I'm "Not-God." I find that my life goes a lot better when I don't forget this central fact.

I look forward to sharing and discussing. I hope you'll do the same. In so doing, perhaps we'll all move toward greater wholeness and peace.